Death is a concept we are all well acquainted with. It is something that we see on TV, something we read about and something we experience finally at the end of our time.
Given that death is quite common, it still comes as a surprise every time it happens to someone we know. It still makes us wonder about the concept of life and how to cope with the loss of a loved one. The next time it happens, it is the whole cycle once again.
For a lot of people, death is just something that happens, something that is a part of life, an acceptance of the inevitable, but for those same people losing someone we know becomes difficult to process and understand. mortality then when it relates to oneself is easy to process but not when it is associated with anyone else we know.
People say it is easier to process death when you are prepared for it. It probably is easier but can be difficult to actually start living without the other person in real time. Death comes in various forms and no matter how it happens, at the end of the day we are left picking up the pieces.
I have experienced losing loved ones and each time it happens I am left shocked or dazed for a while before things start going back to 'normal'. Each of us process the loss in ways we know how to and for a while it helps. For me talking about them with others who knew them and remembering all the good times we've had, though initially made me cry, it still helped me process it.
Kubler-Ross gives 5 stages of grief - denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. According to this model we need not go in the same order or even stay at the acceptance stage after reaching it, we move back and forth between all the stages until we finally come to accept it and move ahead.
But what is grief? Grief is the reaction we have in response to a loss. There are different ways that grief is shown and this also changes according to our culture and tradition. There can be physical manifestations of grief, such as sleep disturbances, change in appetite, restlessness, trouble concentrating and so on. There can be repeated thoughts and images related to the individual and also worries about the future. Strong emotions such as sadness, anger, guilt, despair and even hope can also be present.
Grief is also a process - the initial reaction to a loss, culminating in acceptance of the loss and learning to adapt to the change. This does not mean that you forget the person but it means accepting the loss completely.
There are different ways to help you cope during this time -
1. Talking to someone about it - whether it is your family or friend or someone completely different.
2. Draw comfort from your religion
3. As much as possible maintain your hobbies and interests
4. Take care of yourself - eat right, sleep and exercise
5. Join a support group to talk about what you are feeling
6. Write a letter to the loved one expressing whatever you want to to them, including how it makes you feel that they are no longer there.
7. Speak to them if you want
8. Try to find meaning in your life and what you do
If no matter what you do leads no where, does not reduce the grief in any way, please reach out and seek professional help.
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