In a place where we are constantly shifting roles, we are creating dynamic versions of ourselves. Versions, not just version. The outgoing, lovable and enthusiastic person that everyone wants and actually seem to get along with. Or the slightly reserved, quiet and often mistaken for being uptight person. It’s not surprising that we change between situations, if even in a small way, to reflect the constant process of social interaction.
We seek acceptance and belongingness from a group we identify with. The process of evaluating ourselves through the eyes of others is a natural process of comparison. Through this, we might categorise our characteristics as strengths or weaknesses and could also resolve to improve some aspects of it by creating a notion of how we must be.
Social media doesn’t seem to be of any help for all the thought processes leading up to this though. Instead, it is an endless scroll party that does the thinking for us. Perfect is constantly on display and this idea of perfection does more harm than good. Be it our bodies, our daily routines that seem to equate productivity to self-worth, our relationships - everything is a status on screen. This exchange between device and mind creates this deficit feeling, that we lack a certain something. What seems a few harmless minutes of scrolling, click after click that somehow leads us down a rabbit hole is for this very reason, quite harmful.
In this time of increased usage of social media and the internet being our primary mode of communication, the pressure to be more seems to always be in our faces. Some of us can be more resistant to this influx of information while the rest of us can be swayed and taken by it quite fast.
It is human to feel the need to be recognised and appreciated. We seek validation and when we receive it, it could lead to acceptance and sometimes, more self-expression. Through social media sites, for some of us, this can be felt through the little hearts and thumbs-up symbols on our screens for the post we just put up. But even a delay in receiving this validation can cause us to experience feelings of isolation and loneliness despite the constant connection with hundreds of people. Through some sense of entitlement we believe we are owed something and through this, we expect instant gratification to satisfy this social need. The way and most importantly, the speed at which the downsides of social media recognition can catch up with us, is what we need to pay attention to for ourselves and how this is shaping our self-evaluation.
Carl Rogers, one of the pioneers of the humanistic approach to Psychology brought out the idea of Self-Concept. This is the perception we have of our own abilities and characteristics. It is an awareness that we have of ourselves. What helps in forming the self-concept are three aspects:
Self-image or how we see ourselves in terms of physicality, social roles and personality.
Ideal self or how we envision ourselves to be, how we would like to be.
Self-worth or the extent to which we accept and value ourselves.
When our actual experiences and ideal self are similar it is known as a state of congruence. When the actual experience and the ideal self are not similar, it is a state of incongruence.
This congruence and incongruence shape our self-worth which in turn contributes to our self-concept. We all experience some amount of incongruence and the fact that there exists an ideal and real self does not mean we pit one against the other. They are us, every bit of it and we are constantly in the process of change. How this change occurs is an interplay of the environment of family, friends, support systems and our intrinsic qualities that make us who we are.
Our presence on the internet is complex. We absorb information through our screens and we sift through it, cataloguing actions and capabilities of others and drawing comparisons with our own. The idea of being a certain way that has been conditioned in us so deeply is always looming, policing our course of thinking. Societal and cultural pressure make us succumb to it and we adopt this thinking as our own. We use this to keep a check on our perceived state of progress, calling it improvement of the self. And when we don’t see in us what we see in others, we punish ourselves. These thoughts are ours, yes, and they do shape us, but they needn’t define who we are. Everyone seems to largely accept that we are all inherently different but what is stopping us from actually pursuing that path of belief?
If you find yourself feeling worse with the time you spend on social media, take a break. While doing this, have something to work on that you go to during this time. Be it cooking, a DIY project, movement, exercise, writing, listening to music, anything that gives you space to feel relaxed. Try and allow yourself time to re-affirm what you consider you.
I find that during this time, I re-evaluate what I thought was weak in myself. I feel weaknesses can serve a wonderful purpose for me during this time. I find them to be the most real part of me amidst the confusion of being better, of being more. It is something I hold onto, that connects me with myself minus the presumed abilities I am convinced I must have. And for this reason, I embrace them even more.
There isn’t one sure way that works for all of us. And this is essential to come to terms with because we all seek and need help differently. The idea of support may change person to person because we experience things in ways that are enough to be this different from the next person. The answers are not the same for everyone. As Rogers said, "As no one else can know how we perceive, we are the best experts on ourselves." And I believe this to be quite fitting in accepting what the internet tells us to be.
.png)
Comments